Common question: “Hey Heidi! How does a wedding ceremony go step by step?”

 

Notes:

• This post is relevant for civil (non-religious) ceremonies in Australia- I can’t speak for other countries and I certainly can’t speak for ANY religions! I also can’t speak on behalf of other civil celebrants either- the following is a common order that many of us follow, and is the flow that I have personally found works really well!
• I will refer to the couple as Person 1 and Person 2  (P1 & P2) instead of ‘bride’ and ‘groom’. It is important for me to use inclusive language, and I welcome people no matter what gender they are and what other gender they are marrying.  The old ‘bridal party’ will be replaced here with ‘wedding party’
• Civil ceremonies are extremely flexible, in that you can pretty much do whatever you want! (Except for the legal bits which, if you want to be legally married, are non-negotiable!)

So how DOES  a wedding ceremony go step- by- step?

 

Typically, here’s the order I work with:

Pre-ceremony:

I will get to the venue about half an hour to an hour before we start, dependent on a range of factors.

When the time comes I will gather everyone around, ask for phones to be switched to silent or off altogether, and deliver any other relevant housekeeping things.

I will have organised a cue so I know when to start your entry music, or if you are having a musician/DJ, to signal them when to start.

CLICK RIGHT HERE to read a bit more in-depth about what happens pre ceremony.

Part One- the ‘Processional’

Otherwise known as the entry of wedding party of P1,  who walks in to where the celebrant and P2 are waiting with P2’s wedding party.

The wedding party will often consist of attendants commonly referred to as bridesmaids and flower girls, page boys etc, but again, these individuals can be whatever gender you want. There is nothing in the rule books saying you cannot have a mix of all different genders walking down the aisle before P1. This entry is often accompanied by a favourite song chosen by the couple and is played either by a live musician, a DJ, or the celebrant who can often play the song through their speaker.

Part Two- the welcoming and introduction

Here’s where I will welcome everyone and thank them all for being here in love and support. I will introduce myself as the authorised celebrant. I will happily deliver an Acknowledgment of Country if the couple request it.

Part Three- the body of the ceremony

Telling the love story! This is the tear- inducing, happy, excited, nostalgic bit of the ceremony where I will tell the couple’s unique love story. This is highly specific and personalised to each and every couple based on their wishes. This is all gleaned from the couple in the weeks and months leading up to the big day.

Sometimes, I will place a group vow in here before the legal vows are said- see more detail about group vows here

Part Four- The ‘Monitum’

As Authorised Celebrants in Australia, we must say the following, called the ‘Monitum’ (fun fact: ‘Monitum’ means ‘Warning’ in Latin!)

“I, Heidi Robertson, am duly authorised by law to solemnise marriages according to law. Before you are joined in marriage in my presence and in the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which you are now about to enter. Marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of two people to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.”

Part Five- The ‘Asking’

This is not a legal requirement, but I have found that most couples want the opportunity to say the words ‘I Do’ to their partner. This is the question that allows you to do that. Couples either ask me to write it for them- eg. ‘Do you, xxx, promise to continue to be xxx’s best friend, biggest cheerleader, a shoulder to cry on if needed, and his/her greatest love, for as long as you both shall live?’

OR

Some couples write it themselves, incorporating what they want in there. This may include a light-hearted question that the partner has no idea is coming- AKA ‘ninja vows’: eg. “Do you, xxx, promise to always give xxx a foot massage after work even when you don’t feel like it, and swear to never spend more than xxx on another motorbike without first running it by xxx?’

Part Six- The legal vows and the personal vows

There is one legal sentence that each party to the marriage must say. I usually combine the ring exchange with this, so that the ring is slipped on to the finger as each person finishes this sentence:

“With this ring, I call upon the people here present to witness that I, (full legal name P1), take you, (full legal name P2) to be my lawful wedded wife/ husband/spouse/partner in marriage”

Notes:

• I do the above sentence as a ‘repeat after me’ so you do not have to remember what to say!
• The ring exchange, although listed here under the legal bits, is not actually a legal requirement. You do not have to exchange rings.

If you have chosen to write and say personal vows, here’s where you do it!

I provide my couples with resources if needed, to help write their vows. I also print them out on the day so the couple doesn’t have to worry about carrying them.

Part Seven- the pronouncing and first kiss!!

I will now announce you as husband/husband/wife/wife/husband and wife/partners for life or whatever you want and say the words you wanna hear- you may kiss!

Part Eight- the signing

Here’s where we sign the documents with your 2 witnesses! I ask everyone to remain where they are for a few minutes whilst we sign the important papers at a table adjacent to the wedding space, where all the guests can see. There is also usually music while this is being done.

Part Nine- the announcing and recessional

We then go back to where we were standing originally for the ceremony. I ask for everyone’s attention and make the last big, exciting announcement, along the lines of  ‘Family and friends, please join with me in congratulating the newly-wedded couple……. Mr and Mr/Mrs and Mrs/ the newlyweds x and x, or whatever you’d like me to say!

Part Ten- post ceremony

If I am staying on as your MC I will then help the photographer with your group photos and get on with MC-ing, which is detailed here

I hope this post has given you a bit more clarification on how things can run. Shortly I’ll be starting to break down every part of each section in a separate blog post for more detail, and alternatives!