Note: the image above is NOT AI! It is a real cow with a real couple on a real farm in Byron Bay 🙂

 

Ironically, I asked ChatGPT this very question out of curiosity as to what it would come back with!

Here’s what I got:

“Using ChatGPT to help write your wedding vows can be a great way to gather inspiration and structure your thoughts, especially when you’re feeling emotional or unsure how to put those feelings into words. Ultimately, the vows are deeply personal, and tools like this can assist in making sure they reflect your genuine emotions and the love you have for your partner. It’s all about how you feel when you read or speak them—if they capture your heart and story, then it’s a beautiful and meaningful choice! You can also tweak the wording so that it feels authentically yours.”

Well bravo, ChatGPT! Couldn’t have put it better myself! Haha!

 

 

As a wedding celebrant of 13 years, I’ve seen so many variations on wedding vows! The way people choose to write and deliver their personal vows are a reflection of the couple’s personalities and what they feel most comfortable with. For example:

• Some couples prefer not to say ANY personal vows on the day.
• Some couples write letters to each other instead and read them in a private moment just before or after the ceremony.
• Some couples have exactly the same personal vows and write them together.
• Some couples have short and sweet vows they’ve written themselves, but don’t show their partner- preferring them to hear it for the first time on the day.
• Some couples write lengthy vows that take up most of the ceremony!

All of these options are equally valid. And now, with the advent of AI tools such as ChatGPT the question is, ‘is it ok to use AI to help me write my wedding vows?’

The Pressure of Finding the Right Words

 

Why Writing Vows Can Feel So Overwhelming

It is completely normal to struggle with writing wedding vows. Here’s some reasons why:

• • Your wedding day is a day high with emotion. Thinking about saying vows when you are going to be feeling all the feels of excitement, love, trepidation, knowing you might cry mid-way or that your voice will wobble, can be anxiety-inducing!
  • You will be often standing in front of a lot of people and it’s true- public speaking is a massive fear for a great many people!
  • Some people are afraid of being judged by their close friends and family- are the vows ‘good enough’? or ‘I don’t want xxx and xxx to see me being this vulnerable/sharing my feelings’.
  • Most people are not natural born writers. And on top of that, the written word is quite different to writing for the spoken word. You might write your vows, and it reads great on paper; but when you read it out loud, it doesn’t sound quite right. We speak quite differently to the way we write.

What AI Can (and Can’t) Do for Your Wedding Vows

 

How AI Can Help You with Vows- and Where It Falls Short

Pros of AI for wedding vows:

• AI can help you generate ideas
• provide structure,
• and inspire wording.

Cons of AI for wedding vows:

• AI generated content may not sound authentically you. At this point in time, (2024) AI cannot perfectly predict your true voice, your sense of humour, the nuances of your language and grammar, and it cannot know what you are feeling for your partner in the very essence of your soul.

Let me give you a real-life example.

I put the following into ChatGpt to see what it would give me:

“Please write my secular wedding vows to my partner. I want to tell him how much I love and value him, how I fell in love with him for his ability to make me laugh and for his fun and spontaneous nature.  How I know our relationship will always be full of adventure and that I’m looking forward to seeing him as a dad. Can’t wait to see what the future holds for us!”

Here’s what it came back with:

“From the moment I met you, I knew my life would never be the same. You have this incredible ability to make me laugh, even when I least expect it, and it’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with you. Your fun, spontaneous spirit fills every day with excitement and adventure, and I know that with you by my side, our lives will never be boring.

I love you not just for the joy you bring me, but for the way you embrace life with such passion and curiosity. You make even the simplest moments feel extraordinary, and I am so grateful to share in all of them with you.

I can’t wait to see where this journey takes us, especially when it comes to building a family together. I know in my heart that you will be a wonderful dad, and I’m so excited for the future we’re going to create.

Today, I promise to stand by your side, to cherish every adventure, and to love you with all that I am, now and forever.”

Now, them there are pretty darn good vows! However, there’s no way that I would use this language with my husband. I can even picture my husband saying ‘you got AI to write that didncha?’

But nevertheless, what a great starting point! I’d probably go on to include a few cheeky bits, because that’s a strong element of the way we interact with each other. I’d make it a little more light-hearted whilst still maintaining the core elements of what I want to say.

 

 

How To Use AI as a Helpful Starting Point for Your Wedding Vows

 

And Other Hot Tips To Prepare

In the lead-up to the big day:

• Remember to use AI as a TOOL, rather than a SUBSTITUTE for writing your personal vows.

• Talk with your partner and agree on an approximate word count and tone. For example, you might not want yours to be 5 pages long and your partner has only written a couple of sentences. Perhaps yours is full of inside jokes and humour, whereas your partner has gone for the traditional, serious tone.

• Before you put anything into AI, have a think about what it is that you want to get across to your partner in this moment. Is it a list of promises you want to make? Is it how you felt when you first saw them? Is it telling them what you love most about them, or what you are most looking forward to in your future together? It’s a great idea to have this basic idea in place before turning to AI for further help.

• When you have done a first draft, look at it critically.  Do the vows embody the relationship dynamic you have with your partner? If AI has not captured your voice and your intent, keep tweaking it until you are really happy with it.
• Practice reading them out to yourself in front of the mirror. When you speak the written word, it might not sound natural or conversational. You might want to change the grammar, or the sentence structure around, to suit your talking style. You might want to substitute words you’ve normally never say with ones that sound authentically you.
• Another benefit of rehearsing them a few times is that you will be less likely to be looking down all the time when reading them to your partner. Ideally, you’ll be able to look at them for most of it, only glancing down sporadically. Eye contact is so powerful in this moment!

On the Day:

• Pretend that you are saying these words just to your partner with nobody else watching on. This is not a performance for anyone else. This is an opportunity to say what you want to say, in the way YOU want to say it.

• Take your time reading your vows. It’s not a race. Speak slowly and feel the feelings as you say the words- this will make them so much more meaningful and emotional rather than just reading them out like a robot.

Summary

So- we can think of AI as just another tool in the toolbox for writing wedding vows; just another starting point to give you some ideas, to kickstart your brain into saying what you want to say. But saying it in your own voice is paramount. I’m guessing your partner doesn’t really want you to turn from your authentic self (the one they fell in love with, don’t forget!) into some Shakespearean parody of yourself. What’s most important is that you speak in the tone and language you would normally use- that you say what you want to say in a genuine and heartfelt way. Good luck!

If you’d like to book me in as your celebrant I’d love to hear from you! Contact me here!

Here’s my listing on the Attorney General’s website (just so you know I’m a real celebrant 🙂 and not a robot)